This was not written by chatgpt. It was written out of frustration with chatgpt.
While trying to mimic the voice of a character, opinions diverge from those held by the author. Forgive me.
By the time Usha had moved out of the house for a bit, Virika started to miss her sister. But also, she felt infinity more comfortable playing on her sister’s habits than anyone else she knew, rather than getting in trouble with her friends or anybody at school. I am not saying these are the words an Indian teen would use exactly. But, among other things, I don’t even know Bengali.
Usha was a Christian yogini that lived off in the mountains. You don’t think christian yogis exist? Of course they do. If a thing can exist it probably does exist. You simply haven’t heard stories about them, because christian yogis prefer to be called hermits, and also will not claim to trade the secret to some immortality for free beer, so you could live forever as a 16 year old with your choot hanging out(1).
But Usha was a yogini, because even if she worshiped God, she did a lot of yoga. When she was younger, and didn’t know what to do with her life except go to school, and India Rubber Woman had taught her that her bends and stretches were all wrong. Of course a Rubber Woman would know what’s best for a person with bones, right? Even if Big Rubber didn’t have a bone to speak of. In fact, she could squish as flat as newspaper, and fold just as tight. But the Bible says not to get jealous of what anybody has, so instead of fuming about not being a sheet of paper, Usha learned how to stretch and stretch and bend and stretch.
Usha wasn’t fat, but she wasn’t paper thin, or even rolled up newspaper thin. She thought Uddiyana Bandha was the key, where you breathe out hard and suck your guts up into your ribcage. It was easy for the Rubber woman to give her the basics, but she couldn’t really tell her advanced stuff. The Rubber Lady would just flatten out and flop, slapping her own arse, if she tried it (she was fine, probably loved slapping that arse).
Usha soon got to the point, with all the other stretching exercises, that she was pretty good at all of them. she could bend forward and back, she could do 7 or 8 splits with her legs, she could grab herself around the waist with both hands when she sucked. But she wanted to suck harder. But she graduated, and didn’t have university money, so her mom told her to get married or get a job. But nobody loved her, and she didn’t want to get real work, also she was a girl, so she decided to be a yogini in the mountains, where nobody would tell her what to do and she would sleep in. Also get drunk some times, but only sometimes, because nobody gave her free beer and its expensive.
Dudes wandering around mountains found her hole and thought she should suck them, but she only wanted to suck herself, and as soon as they saw how hard she sucked, they got scared and ran away.
She only had a cross for prayers and a bible and her own navel to stare at the rest of the time, like yogis do, but when she got weird thoughts staring at her navel, she’d take a break form sucking and read her bible and prayed to God and the weird thoughts calmed down and nobody had to excommunicate her.
Soon she’d figured out how to suck so hard that so much of her guts were sucked under her ribs that you could see her spine poking through what was left of her belly, and also probably her intestine. No you could see her intestine and so could she because she always knew when it was time to shit, even if she could barely feel anything because her guts were so confused about where they should be. She probably had a garden or something I don’t think she’d steal food, and there’s little bits of dirt in the mountains that aren’t big enough for a family farm just for one person so maybe another hermit or yogi would be sad it wasn’t available but nobody else.
Sometimes she would go by the road and do asana and take donations, because it was a tiny farm and there wasn’t anything to sell but herself. The would cross her legs in lotus, and do 9 or 10 kinds of splits, and put her legs behind her head and pusssh them all the way down behind her back. She wasn’t trying to trick people though, you could still see the legs, nobody though she was a cripple. But she could do it lightly and people would think her butt was huge boobs, or do it really tight and I’m not sure what that’s supposed to look like but she could do it and you could see her boobs and her arse. She did backbends, there her boobs were against the ground and her legs kicked over like the left and right of a picture frame, and moved her arms so there were the top and bottom of the picture frame. Maybe she pretended to be a television and tell people the news or stories. But she was a hermit so people had to tell her the news first? He also would twist left and right so it looked like her top was on backwards. She tried not to suck anyone because she wanted money.
Back at her hole and garden she kept practicing ~ ~ in secret ~ ~ until she was able to suck it all in. She would put her hands on her thighs and make a horrible sound like an elephant stepped on her and pushed all the air she had ever breathed out. and she was dying and it LOOKED like she might have died because when her guts were sucked in instead of breathing again, she looked like a skeleton. She had done it she was thinner than a rolled up newspaper. But she had to breathe again and schlorp her guts and belly popped back to normal and that was no good.
She went to the library and got a library card and did research because even if you have a cell phone in the mountains, the internet is bad and maybe china is listening in. And how horrible it would be if china leaned how to suck. And she read about Victorian Corsets because there was no money for new books either, but that was fine because she had studied her English in school.
New corsets are expensive because like three people make them these days but they’re in china and forbidden, so she had to make her own. This was fine, because she wanted to make it teeny tiny to wrap around her spiney. But she needed money for cloth, so she was back on the road again. Once or twice the tried to show people how much she could suck to explain why she needed more than food money, but people covered their mouths not to throw up and ran away.
So she went back to her normal asana. And 12 or 14 kinds of splits. One split was she would put a leg in front of her then bend it at the knee, and put one leg behind her, and bend it at the knee too, and would take her feet and latch them together so they could not move. Then she’d do a handstand and bend backwards but HER choot was covered, so don’t you even think it. And she’s do a lotus, and suck while nobody was looking, and move her legs together so her feet rubbed against her spine, before breathing in and letting her belly flop on her ankles.
Eventually she earned enough money and could sew a corset. It was weird wearing a blouse and not feeling the air on your skin, but its a little colder in the mountains and she got used to it. She would suck so hard, but on the corset, and then go work in the garden with her tiny boners protected, but still able to breathe a little bit. It was hard for her, even for how much she was used to sucking, but she got used to it. Then she came in, prayed and read the bible while dinner cooked, and tried to eat dinner. But she found she couldn’t, because the corset was still pushing her guts. She took of the corset, and blargh her guts fell into place, and they felt funny after being sucked all day, but dinner made it better. And each night dinner was easier.
The problem was the morning, when she finally got her bones out of bed. She’d given her dinner (Not too yummy, because Usha cooked it herself) all the time she could to digest, but she couldn’t keep it in her. She couldn’t afford pipes for a toilet, so she needed to go to her back hole and shit it all out. It was ok because the food was not good (because Usha cooked it herself). She remembered the secret technique for getting allll the shit and piss out that the India Rubber Lady taught her years ago (not a kriya), even though it was a lot easier when you could turn your insides all the way out. After that, she could stretch and suck all she wanted, put the corset on, and did her chores and work in the garden.
Usha kept on stretching and sucking, and you could see more and more of her spine. The Lumbar Vertebrae. Even the Thoracic Vertebrae. Not the Cervical ones, in the neck, she still had to breathe. She stuck pillows in under her ribs before putting on her corset, but they were cheap uncomfy ones. Usha needed a new solution.
She thought about it on her way to the road to perform for money. She never wore the corset there, Because corsets are too nice for hermits, rich people thought. She bent and twisted and folded so hard that the India Rubber Woman would have been proud. She stretched her shoulders so it looked like her left arm was her right arm and her right arm was on her left arm, with the thumbs all wrong. She could hide in a hole in a tree a all the people would see is her eye staring out (It would have been a better trick in a glass box, like a fish tank, but she didn’t have the money for one, her limbs bent all different ways). Her fifteenth split was while doing a handstand; her legs spread so wide that one touched her back and another touched her boob. She would spin like a helicopter and the legs would land the other way. She bent so far forwards that she was glad she shat so much every morning, or she would smell her farts. She bent so far backwards, she could pinch her boobs in between her knees. She twisted so much, you could see her spine from any direction, even without sucking.
Then she got an idea. She had earned a lot of money, so she went and got a good meal for once (yummy because someone who knows how to cook cooked). She filled up her belly so much she looked like she was having 10 kids. Then she told all her admirers to go home, and she went home, prayed, and went to bed. She was lazy for 3 days, until sunday, when she went to church. She saw mom at church and hugged her. But she told nobody her idea.
In the morning she did her big shit – all the food was poop now, it didn’t matter how good it had been. But she didn’t do her chores, she just spent the day stretching and twisting and stretching and stretching. She even did all the shatkarma. She flossed her nose with sutra Neti, both nostrils. The flossed her esophagus with Vaman Dhauti. She thoroughly massaged her guts with nauli kriya, rubbing them against her spine like a washing stone. She drew water up her arse, forcing it all the way up through her mouth with jala basti.
She was cleaner than she had ever been, and tireder than she had been since moving to the mountains. She sucked as hard as she had ever sucked (which is a lot), scaring the birds and animals on the mountain, showing almost her whole spine to the world. She raised her tired arms, bent back and twisted, hoping she could get far enough before she collapsed from exhaustion, hello and goodbye to her arse, a friendly wave at her hips and choot, And push and push and push. until she couldn’t push no more…
It was morning. She tried to take a deep breath and could not. She had did it. She had tied her spine in a knot.
She drank her water and tea, trying to feel the new normal. Eventually she managed to stand up and do chores. She could not stand straight, but that was ok. She didn’t have to wear the corset anymore. She learned how to walk, shorter now, but ever straighter. She caught up on chores, taking breaks, the caught up in her garden, just enough to eat. She found it was easier to undo the knot than to make it, but the glurck of her belly was a horrible pain, and she passed out without dinner.
Over days she massaged herself into better shape, learning the new move, and it’s mirror (because you have to stretch both sides). Figuring out how to put the knot where she wanted. But then she made the discovery that changed her life.
She was massaging the her unknotted spine, practicing holding her breath, which she could do many minutes by now. she could easily fit a hand all the way around it, rubbing up and down in a way that would calm anyone. Then the thought she heard a noise outside the cave. the grabed it to pick it up, seeing if she had another man to scare away
And she floated above the ground. She let go of her spine, and fell a little bit. Before picking herself up again. The tired to raise herself higher, but she couldn’t reach that high. but she could carry herself around, using her spine as a handle.
It worked after she tied herself up again, and now she could breathe a bit. The tried holding herself up with both hands, but couldn’t get much higher. But she could trust herself as far as she could through her – which was a little ways, but it was faster to carry herself at normal walking speed.
She tried not to be amazed, because the biggest room in the world is improvement. (Expectation is a bigger room, but it runs out of this world). Instead she practiced, bending around this new feature. frontbends did not take long; she could tuck her legs behind her head, or back, or arse, so long as she didn’t lose her grip, heaving one hand free to do her chores or gardening as she carried herself around. She had to be careful not to lose her grip, or she would get a face full of dirt, or worse, tumble down the mountain.
Backbends were harder, working against her Uddiyana Bandha suction, so it took a long time to relax and get angles right. Eventually, she could thread her arm just right to kick over the legs, and her Uddiyana could be held without dropping herself. She could let her legs nah over her shoulders – she called it Vrishchik Prasarita Bandhasana – or catch her legs up in a lotus pose – Vrishchik Prasarita Padmasana.
Only once she was confident in these moves did she walk back down to the mountain pass, ready to show her skills.
The people were amazed. Repulsed. Some forgot where they were going and just turned back. So many other sat down to watch that they blocked the road, and only a long pause was enough to get the to move to the side. Some thought to ask her to teach them, but she refused them all. They tried to follow her back up to her hole, but got lost on treacherous paths. Even so, the day after her performance, two had found their way into her garden, and were eating the crops they didn’t know were hers (it was probably better than her cooking). And people with no lives kept coming, wanting to learn how to float. she sent them to go buy food, homing they wouldn’t come back, but the path was now so trampled it was easy to find.
And then The India Rubber lady appeared. Just appeared. Nobody had seen her coming, she had stretched between the shadows of the rocks and popped into view.
Many had already been hurt trying to do Usha’s asana. The garden was ruined, Usha’s hole was jammed with man after man. The India Rubber Lady did not offer to help; the offered to carry Usha away from this. Being tired of carrying herself everywhere, afraid to step on people, Usha accepted. Rubbie grabbed her by the spine and took, just as quickly disappearing form Usha’s hole just as quickly as she had appeared.
The two were next seen in the city, motorbikes and cars whizzing by. Knowing ow to draw attention, all eyes fell on the Rubber Lady as she walked the market streets, undulating as a person should not, resting against the wall in a split as she browsed trinkets. Nobody noticed Usha’s spine in her hand, swung around like a fancy shopping bag. India rubber lady would buy a trinket. Small ones would be slipped in the deep hollow behind Usha’s ribs. Bigger ones would quickly be slipped between Usha’s robs and arse, pinned in place. Nobody cared who the Indian Rubber rustled with, and Usha looked on the croud unbothered.
The arrived back at the mountain pass in an eeeeeerieeee silence. Usha’s garden was destroyed. Only two were left in Usha’s hole, unsure of what to do; the rest had left when their money for food had run out. Usha thought they both were girls, she had never bothered to learn anyone’s names. One finally stood up and told her she was a guy, but she had sucked so hard his boga had become her choot: She was also ugly enough that maybe there was a guy somewhere for Usha. The other girl was like. Fat or somthing Usha assured her that made nauli look amazing. She agreed to train them, if the both gave her money to get a new non-wrecked place so she could get them all out of her hole. The Rubber lady agreed to help them get off the mountain as well, and Usha could never trust either to hold on to her boner long enough.
With their new house that they called a school beginning, The rubber lady announced it was time to move on. She had a friend at a temple to go visit. Usha, tied up in getting training started, wanted to go with her, got some very important advice. Never let them know everything you can do. Usha promised, and that’s why she doesn’t float around in public, though she’s pretty much knotty all the time.
Usha had one last suggestion, since she knew what India rubber lady could do. She should bock rubbe up and send her to her destination by mail. There was some hesitation, but big rubber’s curiosity won out. Usha flattened her whole body like paper and folded her up messily, but it ended up a box. Rubbie got proper postage slapped on her arse – she probably enjoyed it – and was off in the mail. Later the got a normal letter saying she had arrived and wising them well, signed you biggest rubber.
That’s how Usha got her own yoga school in 7 months(2).
(1): Sukhasiddhi
(2): You can’t make a story up that fast so it must be true
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