Chapter 1
It wouldn’t do. It wouldn’t do at all.
“ERRRARGH,” moaned Roxy, loudly as she could from underneath the pillow she held over her face and, more importantly, eyes. Skaia’s dazzling display through the window might have been welcome at some point, but the “morning” after far to many stiff drinks was not such a point.
She tried to worm her way backwards into the cushions of Jane’s couch. Disappointingly, this failed to have a positive effect on her condition. “ther is no reason a planet should be that bright,” she muttered. No response.
“GROOOAN,” She called out, hoping a certain someone was still around to take a hint. Satisfaction finally methodically clunked down the stairs a few moments later, yawning and trying to clear her eyes.
“What is it, Rox?” Jane stood over the friend burrowed into the couch.
“gimme one of those curall things?”
“Cure-all things?”
“like in the ads.”
“A Hangover cure, you mean?”
“yeah I think I need like three”
“Um… I think I’ve heard of one, just a moment.”
Doors opened and closed, there was some whisking. Roxy then found heself being excavated and offered a cup full of yellow.
Squinting hard, Roxy sniffed, wrinkeld her nose, then tried to down the cup’s contents. “BLUH!” the glass ending up shattered on the wall across the room. “what the HELL crocker?”
“Eggs are supposed to help! I heard it a dozen times!”
“like fish eggs?” Roxy tried to spit the taste from her mouth.
“Chicken.”
Roxy froze in terror, gazing at her friend, for a moment. She then commenced to dry-heave for a few moments in the general direction of the carpet.
~
“animal eaters.” The past few weeks’ exposure had made the difference in the two’s diets obvious, but the fact had slipped Roxy’s mind. “Baby eaters too, apparently.” Roxy tried not to judge – pumpkins, booze, fish, and carapace food wasn’t probably wouldn’t be the most appetizing diet for Jane either. But the thoughts slipped away just as quickly, as her head continued pounding. At least the water Jane offered next went down.
“would you like,” Roxy made kneading motions over her shoulder with one hand as the other covered her eyes.
“Oh – a massage? I can do that! What’s stiff?”
Roxy pulled herself off the couch and to a clean patch of carpet, before flopping down on her stomach, “everythin, i hassnt stretched sin we got ere.”
“Here?” Kneeling by her side, Jane started gingerly manipulating Roxy’s shoulders.
“jame,” Roxy’s face was buried in the carpet, “thas ok i guess but y’gotta put some weight into it.”
A few rounds of feedback later and Jane was practically doing pushups on Roxy’s shoulders, “ohh yeah thatss good.”
“I’m going to start cramping up soon,” Jane whined, her arms starting to complain. Had it been her father’s shoulders, she would have been afraid of breaking his neck; still the current ‘client’ insisted.
“well, do my arms then.”
“How do I… do… that?” Jane poked at a forearm, confused.”i guess i cn show you if you don’t know,” Roxy sat up, and the two traded places.
Jane found her hands were being held behind her back, “ok hold them together, arms straight,” and Jane complied, lacing her fingers. Roxy tried to lift them up, and was surprised when Jane yelped when the had been raised to an angle 40 degrees. Roxy let out grunt of confusion.
“Just what are you trying to do, Lalonde?” The arms went back down.
“uhhh… just relax for a moment, at tell me if somthing starts to hurt,” Roxy pulled arms various directions, bending, adjusting, never quite seeming satisfied before Jane gave a grunt or a gasp.
~
Jane ate a bowl of cereal and massaged her own shoulders while Roxy contemplated another glass of water. Picking at her own bowl for few minutes, Roxy finally dove in. “i’m gonna go for a run,” she said between mouthfuls, “half hour – you can go too if you want,” Jane nodded and, after rinsing her bowl, and went to get her shoes.
~
45 minutes later they were both breathing hard, laying on the quickly cleared couch. The run itself had been uneventful, the path being one they had covered before. Roxy’s head was making great strides towards clearing. Before normal breathing had resumed, Roxy laid on the floor again, this time on her back. “jane, i want you to help me stretch. you can go slow if you want, but I dont think youre going to hurt me.”
“I wouldn’t dream of hurting you!”
“that is what im afraid of. ok, so, lift up one of my feet,” Furrowing her brow, Jane choose the left one, lifting it to vertical.
“now push down. towards my head,” with several encouragements from Roxy, the thigh finally found a new home against Roxy’s ribs, foot reaching out past her head. Afraid that it would snap back up, Jane examined it from what angles she could. “ycould really sit on it if you wanted ta – but just hold it there for a minute.”
Jane waited for something to happen, but all that seemed to happen was several subtle shifts from Roxy, and the split seemed to flatten out further, knee slipping by her ribs and down to the carpet. “Did the… Chessmen have Gymnastics? Cheerleading?” Jane asked.
The question hung as Roxy thought for a minute. “is that the thing with the short dresses? i don’t think so. ok, time for other leg.” The repeated the process with the right leg, Jane pushing slowly with Roxy urging her on, until the right leg flattened out. “sriously tho this is warmup stuff,” Roxy lay there for another five minutes of not-quite asked questions from Jane.
~
Jane fetched the piano bench from its normal spot while Roxy did a jog-in-place in the other room. Eyes wandering, she imagined her relocated Poppop looking quizzically upon her actions. She promised herself she’d play him something nice in the next few days. When she got around to it.
~
“just don scream in my ear, ok?” Roxy put a pillow on the bench, and her left leg on the pillow, sliding her right foot back, she came to a precarious balance, that flat split hanging from the bench, arms holding her up off the ground.
“kay janie, sit right here,” she patted on the thigh stretched out behind her.
“nope, straddle it.”
Jane swung a leg to the other side.
“an not near the knee.”
“So….” Jane edged up closer to Roxy’s rear end.
“no, like… hug me. don worry girl im not gonna put the moves on you,” Jane hesitantly draped her arms over Roxy’s shoulders, “you ganna put the moves on me.”
Roxy grabbed at Jane’s knees and pulled the legs from out from underneath her. With Jane’s considerable added weight, Roxy slowly sunk down further.
“Roxy- No-” Jane managed to stammer, freezing in place.
“one ninty – two tenn – two twendy,” Roxy patiently counted off the degrees of the widening angle of her legs, “aaand two two thurdy,” her back leg flattened out on the carpet. Roxy jiggled back and forth, seemingly to get comfortable, while giving out peeps of delight. The girl sitting on her was trying to decide if loosening her grip, tightening it, or fainting was appropriate.
“ahh I’m so glad… I didn’t loose much ther,” Roxy, not letting go, leaned her head back to brush against Jane’s cheek,”next is the good leg.”
Chapter 2
Jane, it seemed, was mentally stuck on something. “Good leg?”
Roxy had released the girl, who had promptly retreated to sit on her couch, trying to take in what was going on in front of her. Something was obviously wrong with the girl’s legs. The 230 degree split that Roxy was still in – the number was obviously important, as Roxy had repeated it – but all Jane saw was the girl hanging off the piano bench, hands stretched forward past her toes, right leg apparently having nothing to do with the suspended left leg. If people did that sorta thing, wouldn’t Jane should have seen it? Somewhere? Gym class? People showed off in gym class.
“the right leg has sommore stretch to it,” Roxy pulled herself forward and stood back up, “not like, evil.” She started to jog in place again. “but,” her voice gained a tone of discipline, “you gotta stay warmed up, or you might hurt yorself.”
The running changed into some sort of dance, arms stretched out to the sides for balance, knee up, down, high kick, down. Switching off between one and the other, feet arching highter and higher over her head until SMACK. Roxy toppled backward, her “good” right leg not quite falling away from the face it had just waylaid, and the girl collapsed into the pile of cleared blankets and pillows.
It was when Roxy’s swearing began that Jane knew everything was fine.
~
Stretching out the right split was much like the left one, once Roxy had regained her composure. Jane a bit less shocked this time around, but still speechless as Roxy sunk under their combined weight. Until “youre heavier than BT.”
“What. Are you implying somthing?”
“what?”
“That I’m fat”
“lol no. carapaces are usually pretty skinny and BT was skinkier than most.”
“BT?” Jane though she had just heard bones snapping, but Roxy just sighed. This was a good enough distraction.
“yeah, like, carapacians don’t really have names? most of em, i mean. some got, like, titles lkie ‘paper filer’ and stuff. but their numbers are hard to remember too. so, ‘bendy trainer’. they do some of this stuff, but I gues she figured I would be a better at it? or maybe it was thanks for pumpkins. dunno.” She rocked back and forth again, decidedly less excited than last time. “245 degrees,” she sighed.
“were gonna need a wall.”
~
It seemed Jane’s house was ill-equipped for Roxy’s plan. The couch had to be shoved aside, and a corner of the staircase de-spiderwebed – which didn’t take long, but gave Jane time to regain more of her earlier anxiousness.
“youre going to have to push on my shoulders,” Roxy balanced, right foot perched on the corner stair, already dipping past a flat right split, “so-k to go slower this time.”
Jane rested her hands on either side of Roxy neck and leaned in. Unfortunately the result was not quite a repeat of the earlier misguided kick; Roxy keeled forward, barely managing to catch her leg under her arm. This time, however, Jane was right there on top of her. The unbalanced pair twisted to the side, and the two ended up sprawled on the floor, Jane winding up with a foreign foot stuck in her face.
“thas a different exercise janey,” Roxy laughed, taking a moment to run her toes through Jane’s hair.
“Is it now,” she replied flatly.
“maybe try a bit more stable next? unless you want to try pulling down, but wed haffa go to my place for that,” Roxy flashed a maniacal smile as he helped Jane up.
Roxy rebalanced, this time opting for the wall, and Jane took a stance fit for unclogging a toilet. This time Roxy sunk, as if being pulled in by a black hole, towards the corner, her dragging left foot making a trail in the carpet, the right foot squeaking as it was pulled down the stair wall, the corner itself slightly darkening as her crotch was pushed closer. Jane closed her eyes – the sound of the occasional cracking joint made her think of spaceships breaking up in orbit – she didn’t watch many of that type of thing, but… eh, Riker was good for a few episodes.
“janie, we’re there,” And eyes opened to see Roxy’s legs at an angle she never expected to see them, “herm… thats what, two-sixty-five-ish?” Roxy tried wiggling again as Jane cautiously let off pressure, then looked back over her shoulder, “do you think you can straightn that back leg any?”
Roxy’s left leg was slowly sliding clockwise, towards the wall – as if it had anywhere else to go. Jane grabbed at the ankle, but found all she could do was stop it.
“both hands, u can put you foot onm ybutt,” Roxy offered. But as Jane tried a few positions, but nothing seemed to give her enough leverage.
“Uh… Rox, grab your front leg. I’m gonna have to smoosh you,” Jane had a very serious look on her face.
Roxy responded with her own Cheshire grin. She bent forward as far as she could, flush with her leg, bracing her forearms on the wall, “DO IT DOIT DO ITttt!”
Jane turned around and sat on her friends back leg, shoving her against the wall a little more tightly. “Ready?”
Roxy cackled in response. Bracing her feet, Jane grabbed hold of the leg with both hands and twisted. It finally moved, but not far enough. To Roxy’s squeals, Jane forced the prone girl up the wall a few inches via her backside. Twist, twist… and Jane slammed back down to the carpet.
“…Rox?”
“AHAHAHHA YES,” she laughed, “i think you got it girly! shake down!”
And Jane obliged, shaking with so much vigor that the stairs creaked. “HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW,” she bellowed, in disbelief of what had just happened. In responce, she felt Roxy’s hands snaking their way through her hair, playing with her ears, flirting with the rims of her eyeglasses.
“i think we’re ready for the arm stuff, hun.”
Chapter 3
“Shouldn’t we be doing something game-ish though?” Jane was trying to work her way though the adrenaline spike – fussing Roxy’s foot on the carpet. Roxy’s toes cracked like her knuckles did, giving a little pop with a gentle pull. Still propped up against the wall, Roxy managed to twist around to face Jane, the bottom edge of her ribcage making a notable appearance, elbows braced against the wall.
“well,” a crack came from somewhere in Roxy’s twisted spine, “if its – were – THAT importnt then i don’t think we’d be sleeping either. nothings really moving off derse and prospy. and if stretchin triggers and quicktime events – well, i don’t think thats the sort of gam we’re playing,” she took a moment to switch from twisting clockwise to counterclockwise, soliciting two more cracks, “tho id really like ta see what would happen if it did. neway, maybe i can level up by grinding on this stuff, if ya know what i mean.”
“Maybe.” Jane remembered the ‘Echeladder’ thing that popped up every so often. That had to be a part of this game – like the boondollars it spilled were. Had Roxy seen something similar? It didn’t seem like the right moment to ask. “So then, arms. Do yours stretch accross the room or something?”
Roxy, flopped over as she pushed away from the wall. She wiggled her fingers, dramatically reaching towards Jane, “nah.”
~
“was starting to get pricklies there,” Roxy rubbed her thighs through her leggings, jostling a skirt that looked a little worse for the morning’s wear. Noticing Jane’s eyes, she added, “remind me later to show you my ol’ stretching outfit. im sure we can alchemise something prety sweet from it.”
~
Roxy kept apologizing when she realized what Jane was doing, “no, seriously i’s never gonna get drunk like that agina. no more booze. uh…” Roxy glanced over at the couch in the middle of the room, wondering if there was vomit underneath, “i’m gonna wash some dishes whle you … wash that wall.”
~
Roxy knelt down, on the carpet, trying to relax. At least behind the couch things were clean.
“janie, ya think you can handle this on your own?”
“Meaning?”
“i already tried to stretch yr arms – pretty much that, but further.” Roxy clasped her hands behind her back, lacing her fingers together.
“So I take the hands, and lift-” Roxy’s arms pointed straight behind her, “-and bring them forward?”
“ye,” Roxy started to hum a tune unfamiliar to Jane, as her arms were slowly pushed upwards in their arc. The subtle curves of Roxy’s back were suddenly interrupted as shoulderblades started to rise under her shirt. The new twin peaks seemed to jut out almost as far as the normal terrain on her front – but the two pairs hardly matched.
“Have you ever tried crushing a can with those things?”
“what now? why would I crush a perfeclly good can?”
After checking one hand was enough to hold the arms in place, Jane gingerly felt the underside of the bones through shirt and skin. Roxy shivered in response, “could you… um… not?”
“Oh… OH I’m sorry,” Jane stepped back instinctively, releasing Roxy’s arms.
Roxy’s shoulders gave a crunch unlike the earlier snaps of other joints. They hung in the air at an awkward angle – Jane started to panic. Push back up? Push down?
“Ahhhh…” Roxy gasped, managing to bring her arms to her sides, trying to control her breathing, “JANE, jane dont… you DONT let go like that.”
“Are you… Did I…”
“just need a min,” Roxy rolled her shoulders, “you dont let go. I was just … surprised,” Roxy flopped on to her back, breathing hard. Her gaze was distant, trying to remember somthing. “foot, In my armpit. sit by the side,” she wagged a foot, still cocked back by her hip at an unusual angle.
Jane complied.
“grab the wris, an pull – gently,” Jane did. There was some creaking, the the snapping of tendon, and Roxy gasped, “now other arm.”
As the other arm crackled Jane realised what she was doing, “Did I just… dislocate you arms, a moment ago?”
Roxy sat up, masaging a shoulder, “p much janie.”
She felt tears start to well up, “I… I am so-“
“JANE. no. thas what they do. its controlled. you just gotta keep control.”
Roxy tried to look reasuring, but Jane wouldn’t meet her eyes. Instead, Roxy started pulling at her own fingers. A few knuckles cracked, filling the silence.
“i didn’t say what to do, an you didnt kno. i got … excited,” Roxy tentatively clasped her hands in front of her, and raised her arms over her head. Her elbows bent a little, and there was a small crunch as bones and ligaments decided what to do. Hands still clasped, her arms sunk behind her. “its like that, but the other way round,” her face still looked flushed. “i… need a break. we ned a break. put on parks and rec or somtin. i’ll get a drink.”
Chapter 4
Jane was glad that the drink Roxy was sipping seemed to be Apple Juice. The couch was clean, at least.
“so i don geddet,” Roxy regarded Jane with a furrowed brow, “if tht wasnt a steak, then what…?”
“Well, it was, but diners like that aren’t known for having the highest quality food.”
“an the eggs…”
“Oh, those will vary. For example, they have different gra-” Glancing over, she noticed Roxy’s tongue was sticking out of her mouth again, “They cook them. Scrambled, probably. They’re soft, but not liquid any more.”
“protein coagulation at teh higher temps then.”
Jane took a moment to respond, “I… suppose? But you’ve had eggs before. With that spaghetti a few days ago. And the cake.”
Roxy mused over this as she deposited her empty glass in the kitchen, “so how many eggs would a place like that hav?”
“IT’S A COMEDY, JUST LET IT GO.”
~
Roxy opted to stair climb for another round of warming up. She was panting almost as hard as after their run earlier.
“Another warm-up?”
“…ya”
“I… I’m going to see if Jake or Dirk are on yet.”
“…kay.”
Roxy was soon back on the couch, panting, “any…thin?”
“No. Can not believe they’re still asleep.”
“well, i still- no wait wait wait,” and Roxy rushed back upstairs.
~
“janie, i… your towell hanger came off,” called down.
“Just push it back in, it does that,” Jane thought for a moment, “Were you trying something up there?”
The moment of silence was palpable.
“no.”
~
“Really though, are your shoulders… alright?”
“they just need a bit more time. no hevay liftin, stuff like that. but that doesnt mean were done here,” Roxy pulled the piano bench out from under Jane’s feet, denying her a footstool.
“But…” Jane crossed her arms uncomfortably.
But Roxy had already propped her left foot behind her on the couch, “janie, please?”
Jane sighed in resignation, stood up, and helped Roxy lift her right foot up on the bench, suspending her between it and the couch. After giving Roxy moment to steady herself, she edged back towards the couch to sit back down.
“nuh uh. right here,” Roxy patted the thigh stretched forward, “sit with me hun.”
Jane straddled the indicated thigh and sat, as lightly as she could, “Is this somthing your trainer did too? Or am I just your guinea pig?”
Roxy frowned in response.
“Test Subject,” Jane shifted a little, trying to reach a kneeling position, and failing. She let a bit more weight rest on Roxy’s leg.
“BT did, actually. i gotta couch thas perfecto for this.”
“Did ‘BT’ stretch, herself?”
“only the mornin stuff. calisthenics? did you do that?” Jane’s confused face answered her question, “well, it was a morning drill thing in the colony. marchin and stretches and healthy stuff. there was music. OH dat dumb music. it never changed – it was horrible. i hacked the playlist once – nobody knew what to do, it was great,” Roxy laughed to herself, and Jane managed a chuckle.
“But they didn’t stretch like this, then.”
“nah, BT came up with some of this, some of it came from teh internets. well, the archive. i think you know about the empresssss ads. pop-up blockin only does so much. eneways, we did this stuff a lot more when i was younger. i think she wus moved to another square or sumthin, but she still would visit. left me with more time to experiment, anyway.” Roxy glanced down and chuckled.
Jane’s eyes followed, “Dagnabbit! Er…” the distraction had been enough that she had knelt down properly, giving Roxy the weight she needed to nearly reach the floor.
“tats- two fifty, i think. and yeah, she would cont off degrees too. i never quite figured how she was as accurate as she wus tho,” Roxy hugged Jane’s thighs, pulling her a little closer “gotta say this view is a lot better den the times wit her tho.”
Jane’s face flushed, and she tried to pull back, “Miss Lalonde, I hope you’re not implying anything.”
Roxy sighed, letting her hands drop to the side, “nah. unless some day you plan on bein a hot mom, cause somones gunna be a haps bby.”
Jane rolled her eyes and, after a nod from Roxy, slowly stood up.
~
“Perhaps we should check on the boys,” Jane handed her phone over to Roxy after helping her up.
GT: I need reinforcements post-haste, Dirk is starting to act a tad peculiar.
“Sometimes I wonder if that boy-” Jane let loose a chortle, “-has any spine to speak of.”
“spines yoo want? don look at me,” Roxy stuck out her tongue, “one mor ething, tho. please? then we’ll go.”
“One more, if you must.”
“kay then. uh – can you at least touch you toes? when sittin down?”
“I think so,” Jane started pushing the couch back to its normal wall, “You want me to try?” Roxy nodded, grabbing the piano bench and carrying it back to its proper room. When she returned, Jane was sitting in the middle of the room, “You can push me down if you want, whatever feat you’re capable of achieving, I’m certain I won’t hold a candle to it.”
“lemme see you first.”
Jane complied. Reaching towards her feet, she managed to barely touch the toes of her shoes. She felt Roxy probing her back, so the held the position for a moment before sitting back up.
“kay, first… bring you knees up to you chest,” Jane complied, and Roxy reached between the chest and knees, grabbed hold, and
POP
Jane’s vision seemed to go grey for a moment before clearing up. She expected pain, but… “Rox, what did you just do?”
“your spine wasn’t quite lined up. maybe it was the fall in the corner earlier, dunno. try again?”
Jane stretched, and found she could grab at her toes this time. She sat up again, “Still want to push?”
“oh yea. when I tell ya, reach to the sides.”
Jane took a deep breath while Roxy sat behind her. “ready?”
“Ready!” Jane felt somthing at her back – it certainly wasn’t Roxy’s hands. But forward she went, and found, although her breathing was a bit more labored, she was able to get her hands around her shoes. A short whistle escaped her lips.
“hands out!”
Jane reached back and found she was being handed things outside her field of vision. Warm things. Textured things. “Rox?”
“push ’em down to the floor.”
They were legs. In either hand. “You’re sure?” She got an elbow in her side as a reply. So she pushed, gently. Slowly the pair of legs moved down, until toes touched the carpet. Roxy’s entire weight was on her back.
“now sit up. an keep them down.”
Jane felt ready to break into a nervous sweat. But she complied, slowly sitting back up. The legs pulled upwards, but she managed to keep them down. The sound and feeling of Roxy’s whole frame shaking with poping & twanging ligaments made her a little woozy. And at one point, Roxy’s weight slipped off her back and down onto the floor. Jane was almost able to sit up straight.
“Still there?”
Roxy was only managing shallow breaths, “yeah, yeah – janie, you know what? i got a hott butt, ” Jane felt somthing shaking behind her, “an right now it looks like i got SOM BOOBIES YA!”
Jane tried to look behind her, but trying to keep Roxy’s legs in place required too much effort, “I can’t…”
“just release slo-“
“I can’t see anything. We need to hook up a camera to the TV next time.”
Roxy laughed, harder than her position allowed, and started to cough. Jane slacked her grip, first trying to give her friend some air, and then releasing her. When she could finally turn around, what she saw was a rather red-faced and sweating Roxy, wearing a huge smile.
“oh yeah, were doin this again.”
___
Jane would bend over backwards to help Roxy with her hangover. Wait. No, other way around. (illustrated)
Illustrations by Jesseth ( http://altamaranempire.tumblr.com/ )
https://archiveofourown.org/works/1074272?view_full_work=true
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